WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s pledge to send Americans to Mars garnered overwhelming global support on Monday, with the condition that Elon Musk be the first astronaut to embark. Around the world, people hailed the idea of Musk participating in the six-year roundtrip, and were even more excited by the notion of the journey being one-way. Though the latter proposal was cheered by virtually every nation on Earth, it received especially strong support from Steve Bannon. |